The last Ruling Steward of Gondor, Denethor son of Ecthelion, was a much maligned victim of the War of the Ring. Many of us suffer from the same personal problems as he did, although it is not always easy to recognise the symptoms. The questionnaire below may help those who suspect they may share his difficulties, and are disturbed by this, to determine whether they should seek further assistance before it is too late.

Due to the expected high increase in demand for this service over the next two years, we strongly advise referrals and applications to be made as soon as possible to:

The Denethor Memorial Rehabilitation Clinic,
Rath Dinen,
Minas Tirith,
Gondor.


To all potential Clients of The Denethor Clinic:

Please complete the following questionnaire before you sign up for therapy. It will enable the therapist (or "wizard") to determine whether you have the classic symptoms of Denethor-type Personality Disorder.

1) Have you recently placed your computer/palantir in the highest room of the house and forbidden access to your family? Y/N

2) Do you spend more than five hours a day staring into its shiny depths without noticing that you are actually being fed counter-intelligence by your nearest rival/the Enemy? Y/N

3) Do you suffer from paranoid ideation about your children? Y/N (if you don't have children, do you experience this with your pets/household servants/ close advisors?)

4) If you answered yes to question 3, do you know who is your enemy? (Be honest) Y/N

5) If you answered no to question 4 have you recently sacked an employee on the spurious charge of wearing a tall pointed hat to work? Y/N

6) Do you suffer from intrusive thoughts about a work colleague you knew many years ago, who was not only better looking and more popular than you, but came up with all the best reports/marketing ideas/strategic battle plans? (Be realistic- we've all been there) Y/N

7) Are you constantly plagued by the fear that this individual may one day return to your office/tower/realm to take over as your boss/king? Y/N (Sorry to disappoint you, but this is not so irrational as you had hoped. However entry to the treatment programme will enable you to accept this, and other major life events with a good grace)

If you answered yes to four or more of the above questions then you probably have Denethor-type Personality Disorder. You still have time to avoid the inevitable slide into premature aging and madness, by signing up for this self help group.

Please note: The Therapist will be a qualified graduate of the Istari School, since part of the treatment will be graded exposure to the subject of your deepest fears.

Please leave your credit card number or bag of mithril at the desk before you proceed…

Thank-you.


Denethor, Ecthelion and Gondor remain the property of JRR Tolkien. The clinic is mine. I am Windfola and you can email me at: CatherineEstel@aol.com