9. People are relived when you use the magic ring to disappear

8. You see a moon on a wizard's hat and it reminds you of your need to find a porta-tree

7. You "borrow" Legolas' Great Bow of Galadriel to shoot a cigarette butt from your cousin's lips

6. The arrow gets stuck in his face fur

5. You have a dragon head mounted above your fireplace

4. You think a palantir is a prosthetic

3. Galadriel looks into your eyes and sees…uh, nevermind…

2. The First Great Battle of Elves and Hobbits is nearly started when Celeborn threatens to divest you of certain body parts.

1. The words "one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them" make you think of your bathtub