So I saved the dude
With the hairy feet…
Gave up my horse,
Gave 'im my seat.

Pretty heroic,
Wouldn't you agree?
But all this bravado--
It ain't for me.

Nah, shorty escaped
With a minor wound.
But I lost my horse
And my cape got ruined.

The guy never thanked me,
Or searched me out,
To say "dude you're alright"--
What's that all about??!!

But I ain't complainin'
Cause it's all good.
I ain't no hero--
It's all understood.

But just a parade
With a moving float.
That's all I ask,
So I can gloat.

Or maybe a herald
Proclaiming my feat,
Or that Arwen chick's hand
Now that would be sweet!

OK, so I'm older
By a few thousand years,
But I still look good…
I got all my gears.

And I risked my life…
Did anyone notice???
Where's my TV show;
Where's Glory's Opus?

No, I'm just sayin'
It ain't no big deal.
I got no One Ring…
But I got sex appeal.

That Tolkien guy, man
He done me wrong.
Wrote no more about me
Just killed my song.

And that Jackson dude,
I mean what the hey?!
Never mentioned me,
Never gave me play!

And that Arwen again,
She's pretty hot.
But steal my thunder?
That's all I got!

Remember this, folks,
You're my last hope.
Two words, that's all:
Glorfindel's dope!