Sung to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's "Mrs. Robinson"

Mr. Saruman
We hate to hear that brittle, bitter
voice that can beguile.
We hear that you have learned
to help yourself.
Look around you all you see
are victims of your lies
Stroll around Orthanc
it's your eternal home.

And here's to you Mr. Saruman
Gandalf tells you
when to come and go
whoa whoa whoa.
Down on your knees Mr. Saruman
Treebeard holds the keys
to where you stay
Hey hey hey.
Hey hey hey.

Hide it in an upper room
where no one ever goes.
Use it to communicate
with Sauron.
Just a little secret
Grima Wormtongue shouldn't throw.
Most of all you've got to
hide it from Pippin.

Goo goo catchoo Mr. Saruman
Gandalf tells you
when to come and go
whoa whoa whoa.
Down on your knees Mr. Saruman
Treebeard holds the keys
to where you stay.
Hey hey hey
hey hey hey.

Standing in a courtyard
on a sunny afternoon.
Listen to the wizards'
last debate.
Laugh about him, shout about him
then he's got to choose
either way he looks at it
he'll lose.

Where have you gone
oh wise Curumo
The Council turned
its trusting ears to you.
Woo woo woo.
What's that you say
Mr. Saruman
Curumo has left
and gone astray
Hey hey hey
hey hey hey