Sung to the tune of "Piano Man", by Billy Joel

It's nine o'clock down at Barliman's.
The regular crowd wanders in.
There's a strange hobbit sitting next to me.
He short and he's not very thin.

I say Sir, can you sing us a Shire song?
I'm not really sure how they go.
But you're new to the inn
And before you begin
A few words to start off the show.

La la la de-de da-a
La da de-de da-da da

Sing us a song, Mr. Underhill
Sing us a song tonight.
For we're all in the mood for a Shire song
Except Strider, who's not very bright.

Now Barliman is a friend of mine
He serves all the food here in Bree.
He may be a bit slow
But if there's a show,
You can bet he'll give drinks for free.

He's says "Nob, I'm about worn off my feet."
As a smile ran away from his face.
"The crowd is unusually full tonight.
And I can't keep up with the pace."

Oh La la la de-de da-a
La da de-de da-da da

Sing us a song, Mr. Underhill
Sing us a song tonight.
For we're all in the mood for a Shire song
Except Strider, who's not very bright.

Now Bill Ferny's a bit of a sour face
Who's hanging with strange folk these days
And he talks with that squint faced southerner
Who looks like he won't even pay.

And the Shire man dances and prances
As the patrons drink more of their ale.
Then he falls on the ground;
Disappears with no sound
And the patrons they turn rather pale.

Oh La la la de-de da-a
La da de-de da-da da

Sing us a song, Mr. Underhill
Sing us a song tonight.
For we're all in the mood for a Shire song
Except Strider, who's not very bright.

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday,
But the patrons all get up and leave.
They've no mood for strange things
Like wizards and Rings
And hobbits that vanish away.

Then Strider takes up with the Shire folk
Into the wild they all disappear
And I heard they went far as I cleaned up the bar
And came back after nearly a year.

Oh. Sing us a song, Mr. Underhill
Sing us a song tonight.
For we're all in the mood for a Shire song
Except Strider, who's not very bright.