I read the news today…oh boy
About a lucky man who played an Orc
He said cocoons would make great toys
Well I just had to lau-augh
I saw the photogra-aph

He said that Liv was rather stressed
From fighting goblins on a shiny horse
And though the news was rather dumb
Nobody was really sure if he was making fun of us

I saw the film today…oh boy
The elvish army had just joined the war
Though Sauron's helm looked rather gay
Well I just had to look
This wasn't in the boo -- ook!

I'd love to reeeeaaaad theeeeee scriiiiiiipts…

(musical cacophony; beat change)

PJ
What a dink
I bet he's made the Balrog pink
And I'll bet the elves, in spite of all my fears
Have pointy ears and wear Nike pumps

(pumpa pumpa pumpa)

PJ
What a joke
He's replaced lembas with Coke
Seems like he knew about all my pet peeves
He cast Keanu Reeves and made him wear a thong

Ahhh, ahhhhhh….

I read the news today…oh boy
The movie made a jillion dollars overseas
And though the books have been forgot
They won't be left to rot
You can find me at the local tavern doing Jell-O shots…

I'd love to kiiiiiiillllll Ppppppppp Jjjjjjjj…