Sung to the tune of "I am the Walrus" by the Beatles

I'm at Bree and you're at Bree, and we're at Bree
and we are altogether.
See how they ride while Hobbits try to hide
see how they snide.

I'm spying.

Yellow apple custard.
Dripping from Bill Ferny's eye.
Sam-a-lock a window
Strider grip-a Narsil
Bill you've been a naughty boy
you let the Nazgul in.

I am the Orcman. They are the Orcmen.
I am the Balrog.
Coo coo cachoo.

Mithril ditty, Dwarfmen digging.
Pretty little Dwarfmen in a row.
See them presume to be safe at Balin's tomb
see war resume

I'm writing

Silmaril are pilfered.
Climbing up the eye-filled tower.
Elemental tap-tom
singing Khazad-dum's song
Pippin's been a naughty boy
he let the stone fall down.

I am the Orcman. They are the Orcmen
I am the Balrog
Coo coc cachoo.

Risk great, West Gate, 'sploring morons
Don't you think that Sauron laughs at you.
(hoo hoo hoo hee hee hee ha ha ha)
See how they try
to elude the Evil Eye
See how they die.

I'm crying.

Sitting in an Elvish garden looking for the Shire.
And if the Shire's on Fire you get a Sam
who's madder than an Ent in pain.

I am the Orcman. They are the Orcmen.
I am the Balrog.

Coo coo cachoo ca coo coo cachoo.